you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize