Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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