he wants to bone in the snuggie
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
