Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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