Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
