She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
