Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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