id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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