I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
