I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
