i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
how drunk are you?
Several
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize