I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
