sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize