Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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