Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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