just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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