omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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