I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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