You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
