I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
