yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize