I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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