the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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