I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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