i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
