your room smells of hookers.
And success
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
