I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
