you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
