yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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