1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
