WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
