If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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