It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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