so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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