STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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