My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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