Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
