Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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