She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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