The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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