I wannas sexs uuuuu
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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