a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
