She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
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