1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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