I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
