sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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