Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
