so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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