i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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