I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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