i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
