He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
