I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
