were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
