went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
