You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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