and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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