I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
