i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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