oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
