so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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