The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
