genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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