As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
