I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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